Going back to the beginning

Your author, today. This was the best of 4 iPhone photos, cropped and desaturated.

I’ve reached a point in my life and in my career that I (almost) feel like I’m starting over at zero. I’m middle aged, so you could call this a mid-life crisis, except that I’ve been having that continuously for the last 15 years. Life’s been off the rails for a long time. This isn’t being (too) overdramatic; it’s an honest assessment that I feel I haven’t accomplished much that has real meaning.

Part of this is my field. Working in technology, and on the internet specifically, is very ephemeral. That website that you dedicated so much energy to is gone in five…? three…? two…? years, or maybe it’s changed beyond recognition so you don’t even feel like you ever contributed in any way. That high-converting email campaign you championed that one time? Forever lost to history. None of it lasts.

It’s hard to feel like you’ve made anything of substance.

I’m starting from a blank slate. I wiped this site clean. I’m restarting everything from scratch. I’m trying to leave behind old baggage, the need to maintain appearances or continuity, and just move forward. I can’t fix the past and I choose to not live in it. And to try to do something meaningful.

This is the first step toward a more purpose driven life and an experiment in Lean Product Development (in this case, the product is me). In this context this means:

  • More experimentation. Being open to new opportunities without driving to a specific outcome.
  • A focus on creating real lasting value, for myself and others.
  • Shorter, quicker learning. Failing fast. Ship and iterate. Being pre-disposed to action.

This is also an experiment in radical (terrifying) transparency. I’m letting go of the imposter syndrome that has plagued me my entire adult life and ruined numerous chances for real learning and connection. I’m going to do my best, be honest and accept my mistakes, and always be learning. This is a record of the journey forward that I expect to be rough but hopefully will have a great end.

I’m going to share here what I’m working on and why. What I’m learning and what’s interesting to me. The goal here is a record of work-in-progress, not a self-indulgent diary.

A note about the format of the blog:
This blog is a MVP: Minimal Viable Product. It’s just good enough to get out into the world. Not perfect. I’m not sure what perfect is. But it’s 100% better than nothing. I’ll measure and improve it along the way.

Professional and personal reboot in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

 

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